Pumpkin Patch

I love going to the apple orchard in the fall. The leaves are changing colors, there is a chill in the air, and the season beckons to change. The moment my tires crunched the gravel drive of the orchard, the sweet aroma of fresh donuts and apple cider permeated the air. My mouth watered as I contemplated which donut I wanted, a glazed apple donut or a glazed pumpkin donut. I couldn’t decide so I ordered (and ate) one of each! This is an annual trip for my family. We make our rounds from the donut counter to the corn maze, to the U-Pick area to get a bag full of Red Delicious, Honey Crisp, and maybe some Golden Delicious apples, and finally to the pumpkin patch. It was in the pumpkin patch I was reminded of Jonah.

Upon entering the pumpkin patch, my family spreads out in strategic fashion. We take a centuriation system approach to cover the geometric area as we search for the elusive ‘perfect’ pumpkin. It was there that the concept of seeking shelter invaded my thought. The white pumpkin itself wasn’t much to look at. I imagine hundreds of people passed it by with hardly a glance. But not me. It captured me. The lone white pumpkin was sitting in the shadow of a giant pumpkin leaf that grew up directly over the top of the pumpkin shading it, giving it shelter from the sun.

Resting in the quiet of my mind, I pondered that after Jonah ran from God, was swallowed and vomited by a giant fish, prophesized over Nineveh, and was displeased and angry at God, Jonah built a shelter to protect himself from the scorching sun and waited to see if God was going to destroy Nineveh (Jonah 4:1-4). I imagine Jonah’s shelter was probably a crude, quickly built, inadequate shelter; not suitable to protect him from his environment. A feeble attempt. I also recalled how I, at times, built my own feeble, temporary, crude, quickly built, and inadequate ‘shelters’ to protect me; not from the scorching sun however, but rather, from hurts, wounds, self-doubts, failures, let downs, and disappointments. Yep, just like Jonah, I became a builder of shelters rather than a seeker of God’s loving embrace-God’s promises. Am I the only one?? Have you built shelters to protect yourself? To protect yourself from being hurt again, abandoned, mistreated, judged, embarrassed, or devalued. Shelters take many forms. Many seek shelter in codependent relationships, drugs or alcohol, others in sex, and others in avoidance behaviors such as gaming, or busyness (any workaholics out there?).

In the song titled ‘Gimme Shelter’ The Rolling Stones sought shelter from war and pestilence. In the 1970 hit ‘Who’ll Stop the Rain’, John Forgerty, of Creedence Clearwater Revival, sought shelter from ‘the storm.’ Christian recording artist Pat Barrett sings, “Shelter, I need your shelter, hide me away from the harm, away from it all.” Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist and creator of the well-known ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs’, list the need for shelter as foundational if one hopes to achieve self-actualization. We all seek shelter.

What are you seeking shelter from?

The book of Jonah is rich with themes (obedience, reluctance, God’s sovereignty over creation, grace and mercy). Shelter is not usually a theme we think of when we consider the book of Jonah. But it’s in there. Let’s pick back up in the 6th verse of the 4th chapter, “So the Lord God appointed a plant and it grew up over Jonah to be a shade over his head to deliver him from his discomfort. And Jonah was extremely happy about the plant” (Jonah 4:6). Jonah’s shelter was inadequate. Our shelters are inadequate. Author L.R. Knost writes, “Do not be dismayed by the brokenness of the world. All things break…” Our temporary shelters break. They are not designed to withstand the brokenness of the world. Only God can do that.

As I lingered in the quiet sanctuary of the pumpkin patch, twisting vines at my feet, my thoughts turned upward. God showed Jonah that His love, His mercy, and His compassion are universal. God showed Jonah, and us, He is our shelter, He is our provider, and He is the author of providential care. No matter what you need shelter from, God is the only shelter that weathers every storm and shades you from harm. The palmist writes, “The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night” (Ps. 121:5-6). I also love the verse in the gospel of Matthew that says “And if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, He will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?” (Mt. 6:30). God will shelter you, just look at the little white pumpkin sitting in a pumpkin patch.

Dr. Troy Masengale is a licensed professional counselor at the Christian Counseling Center of Battle Creek.

Saying Yes in the Season of Advent

As we move through Advent and prepare our hearts for Christmas, I keep returning to Mary’s story. She was asked to say yes when everything in her life told her to say no.

We all have days when simply getting out of bed feels heavy—when the day ahead seems filled with uncertainty, loneliness, hard conversations, or responsibilities that feel larger than our capacity. Many of us know the pressure of being needed, pouring out, and trying to show up when we don’t feel like we have much left to give.

And yet, even in those moments, the Lord meets us with quiet strength and a gentle invitation:

Say yes.

Yes to the day.

Yes to what He’s placed before us.

Yes to trusting Him for the strength we lack.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”

— 2 Corinthians 12:9

And that’s when Mary’s story speaks so deeply.

When the angel appeared, Mary faced real risk. In her culture, pregnancy outside of marriage meant the loss of stability, security, and community support. She faced the likely loss of her fiancé. By choosing yes to God’s invitation, she stepped into the unknown with courage and obedience.

“Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”

— Luke 1:38

And still… she said yes.

God didn’t choose Mary because she had resources, certainty, or influence. He chose her because of her humility, her character, and her willingness to trust Him. He brought her to the end of herself—and then moved powerfully through her obedience.

It is often when we come to the end of us that He moves, and we become ready to follow.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.”

— Proverbs 3:5–6

Just as God saw Mary, He sees you.

He sees the weight you carry, the responsibilities before you, and the desire in your heart to honor Him—even on the days that feel hard.

We all face decisions, opportunities, and unknowns. And as we discern God’s invitations, one simple truth helps guide us:

Let God open and close the doors.

Unless He gives us a clear reason to say no, we can walk through the doors He opens—trusting that He will provide the strength we do not have on our own.

At the Christian Counseling Center of Battle Creek, it is our privilege to walk with people through the hard, the messy, and the meaningful places of life. We say yes to serving because God first said yes to us.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

— Galatians 6:2

This Advent season, may we remember that God is always inviting us into more—more trust, more surrender, more dependence on His strength.

Our job is simply to listen… pay attention… and say yes.

Finding Gratitude and Grace During the Holidays

Thanksgiving often brings to mind images of food-filled tables, family gatherings, and if you are like me, football! I love the savory aroma of Thanksgiving dinner filling the house, sharing a wonderful meal with my family, and later that evening having turkey sandwiches and pumpkin pie! However, for many people, Thanksgiving may be a day that brings mixed emotions; joy and blessing, yes, but also loneliness, stress, anxiety, grief, and maybe mourning. As believers, how do we navigate this season with a heart anchored in faith, especially when life feels heavy?

-Gratitude is a Spiritual Practice

God’s word reminds us to practice gratitude. We read in Paul’s letter to the church in Philippi, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:4-7). I love how Paul added “with thanksgiving” in this text. Thanksgiving, or gratitude, is a key component which brings forth the peace of God. I also appreciate the inclusion of the word ‘supplication.’ The Greek word for ‘supplication’ used here is deésis and means a heartfelt petition or request made to God with a deep, earnest or desire. Supplication becomes the quiet doorway through which our innermost being leans into the Father’s embrace.

The late Dr. Hans Selye, a leader in stress research, and well-known for The Attitude of Gratitude, suggested if one was high in gratitude, one would be low in stress. Think of it like a teeter-totter or seesaw. Do you remember these from your elementary school playground days? I fondly remember playing on these during recess. I would always try to shoot myself up as fast as I could while a friend was on the other end eagerly waiting for his turn to do the same. Gratitude and stress act in the same manner as the teeter-totter; as one goes up, the other goes down. The apostle Paul writes, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Th 5:18). This verse does not say to give thanks for all circumstances, rather, to give thanks in all circumstances.

If gratitude feels hard to find this year, open your heart before the Lord and let Him gently hold every feeling you bring. Let gentleness toward yourself lead the way. Turn your heart slowly toward gratitude. Begin with something small-just one blessing. Perhaps a fleeting moment of comfort or connection, the quiet delight of your favorite coffee, or a tender conversation with a friend. With each little seed of gratitude we plant, the mind learns to search the hidden garden of blessings and there it will see the Creator’s hand in our lives.

-Thanksgiving Can Bring Stress, but it Can Also Bring an Invitation to Grace

Speaking of stress, family gatherings… Do I even need to finish this thought?? (see my previous blog ‘Are You Spending Extra Time with Family this Year…’). It’s often said what we need most is also what can wound us most - relationships. Time with family can stir both warmth and strain. Yet, in an odd way, family gatherings tend to be a wonderful opportunity to live out Scripture, “bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do” (Col. 3:13). I write this smiling to myself as I think of some family gatherings- bearing with one another ✔, complaint against another ✔✔, for you must do (forgive)…well…

We can be loving without accepting hurtful behaviors. We can be kind and still have healthy

boundaries. We can choose peace and our level of engagement. I want to invite you to bring a bounty of grace; underserved merit. View others, and yourself, the way God views you, and them. Not through the lens of our hurts and wounds or the lies we’ve picked up about ourselves. But the way our heavenly Father views us, His beloved creation (Gen. 1:31), valuable and worth pursuing (Luke 15:1-7), redeemable and worth restoring (2 Cor. 5:17), and sons and daughters of the King (Gal. 4:7). Remember, gratitude and grace begin as choices of the heart.

-For Those Who are Hurting

For some, holidays can be a time of immense pain. An empty chair at the table, a missing laughter or smile, or a tradition that now may seem like a long, lost memory. It may be terribly difficult to practice gratitude or grace during times like this. Will you allow me to encourage you? God sees you. God loves you. You are not alone in your hurt. The Psalmist writes, “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Ps. 34:18). Grief is not a sign of weakness; on the contrary, grief is a sign of great love. When we put our hope in God, we receive a peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil.4:7). Allow yourself to grieve, offer your tears to the Savior. Allow yourself to mourn, lay your pain in God’s gentle hands. Allow yourself to heal, trust His grace to bind what is broken.

Whether this season brings with it celebration or struggle, I pray that you experience the peace, love, and grace of God that surpasses all understanding, and may gratitude and grace become the quiet, steady rhythm that settles over you like a soft, familiar warmth you’ve known forever. As for me, I’m going back for another piece of pumpkin pie!

Dr. Troy Masengale is a Licensed Professional Counselor at the

Christian Counseling Center of Battle Creek.

Are You Spending Extra Time with Family and Friends This Holiday Season? You May Want to Take a Look at This.

We all know that one person. You know, the person who tries to say something helpful in a difficult situation but ends up making things worse. The person who listens to their friend intently as the friend pours out her heart after discovering her spouse’s infidelity only to hear, “Don’t cry sweetie, everything will work out.” Or, after venting about family relationship stressors, this person responds, “Don’t let this get you down, try to focus on the positive!” Or maybe, after learning you were recently laid off from your job, this person tries to “encourage” you by saying, “Well, it could be worse, you could have been fired.” Yes, that person.

Toxic Positivity is a term used to describe the belief that no matter the situation, people should maintain a positive attitude, suppressing any negative feelings or emotions. Toxic Positivity occurs when comments that are expected to encourage and offer comfort and support, actually leaves one feeling unheard, invalidated, and alone. Generally speaking, people who practice Toxic Positivity are not trying to discourage others, on the contrary, they often want to help and feel like they have to say something. For example, when I was in seminary, one of my professors told the story of overhearing someone at a funeral telling the grieving widow, “They are in a better place now.” The grieving widow protested, “The best place for them to be is in my arms!” I’m sure this person was trying to be comforting, however, these words offered little comfort to the grieving widow. My professor told my class that sometimes the willingness to sit on someone’s mourning bench with them is the best thing we can do; simply being present, not saying anything. This is wise counsel.

When we gently allow ourselves to be present with our thoughts, feelings, and emotions

without judgment, we encompass a sense of healing and wellness that is not likely to occur when we deny our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. For some of us, there is a belief that if we are not happy, then there is something wrong with us; for example, maybe we are being self-centered or ungrateful. After all, there are starving children in Africa (how many of you heard this growing up?) This type of perspective is often associated with family of origin; the environment which we were raised in. There are countless quips or phrases that we may have heard growing up that may have communicated if we were not happy then something was wrong with us. Here is a small offering of phrases that may example this type of Toxic Positivity:

You have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps = You are not doing enough.

Happiness is a choice = You are choosing to be unhappy.

Life is full of disappointments = Your feelings are not valid.

Suck it up buttercup = You are not strong enough.

Turn that frown upside down = You are making a big deal out of nothing.

You’ll understand better once you are older = You do not get to feel that way now.

“There’s no crying in baseball” (okay, I threw that one in there; pun intended).

These types of messages may convey guilt or shame to the listener. All of these communicate that one’s feelings are not valid. All of these communicate there is something wrong with us. All of these communicate it is not okay to be unhappy. In his book The Happiness Trap (2008), Dr. Russ Harris offers four myths about happiness:

Myth #1. Happiness Is the Natural State for All Human Beings

Myth #2. If You’re Not Happy, You’re Defective

Myth #3. To Create a Better Life, We Must Get Rid of Negative Feelings

Myth #4. You Should be Able to Control What You Think and Feel

Dr. Harris goes on to say these four myths set us up for a struggle we simply cannot win. So, how do we combat or avoid Toxic Positivity? There are two facets at work here. First, if you are the one experiencing the feelings or emotions (then we reject Toxic Positivity), and second, if you are the one listening to the person who is experiencing the feelings or emotions (Then we avoid using Toxic Positivity). Here are a few practical steps you can take if you are the one experiencing the feelings or emotions (reject):

1. Be open and authentic about your feelings. You are free to feel what you feel. You do not have to qualify, defend, or explain your feelings or emotions.

2. Take a moment to experience your feelings or emotions without judgment. Allow them to be present. Try to identify and name your feelings and emotions.

3. Do not be afraid to confront the person who is being toxic to you. Use ‘I feel’

statements when challenging this person. For example, ‘When you say…, I feel…’

Here are a few practical steps you can take if you are the one listening to person who is experiencing the feelings or emotions (avoid):

1. Practice active listening. Being an active, or present, listener means we are not listening to respond, rather, we are listening intently to understand and engage with the speaker. Also use reflective listening. Reflective listening is seeking to understand the speaker’s idea, and then offering the idea back to the speaker using your own words. Think ‘mirroring’ and ‘paraphrasing.’

2. Listen non-judgmentally. Refrain from making judgments of right or wrong, shoulds or musts. Rather, consider validating the feelings or emotions.

3. Be willing to sit on someone’s mourning bench (or whatever bench) with them.

Most of us want to be positive and helpful to those around us. Most of us want to be better listeners and encouragers. Most of us want to love on and support our family and friends when they are hurting. When we practice intentionally during these types of conversations, when we practice active listening, reflective listening, and validation, we will be in a better position to be that person for our family and friends. None of us want to be that other person.

References

Harris, R., & Hayes, S. (2008). The happiness trap. London: Robinson.

Dr. Troy Masengale is a Licensed Professional Counselor at the Christian Counseling Center of Battle Creek.